you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
