Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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