Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
