she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
