I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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