I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
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