i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
