Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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