You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
