After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
