What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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