Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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