You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
