So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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