Welp...herpes.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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