Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
