listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize