Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I supernannyed him into submission
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
