It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
