I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize