This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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