He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
