I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
