Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
