guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
