we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
