i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
