They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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