I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
