We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize