you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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