it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
