Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
