Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She told me I should be a condom model.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize