no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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