Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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