Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
