i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You're like the curious george of whores
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
