That's intense
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
