Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
