So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
