Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
