I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
what day is it and did you see me today?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
