You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
