sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Randomize