If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
