thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
