She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
