i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize