All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
