i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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