how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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