one might say we're banned from that church
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
