i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
