my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
