so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
