I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
