using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
