I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
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